In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to get lost in our own thoughts, perspectives, and goals. Yet, at the heart of meaningful relationships lies empathy — the ability to truly connect with others by understanding their feelings and experiences. Practicing empathy goes beyond simply listening; it’s about being curious, open, and willing to set aside your own viewpoint to imagine what life might feel like from another’s perspective. Let’s dive into the process of how to practice empathy in a way that fosters genuine connection and understanding.
1. Listen with Curiosity Empathy begins with curiosity. When someone shares something with you, approach the conversation as an opportunity to learn more about them. Try to set aside your assumptions or judgments, and instead, focus on hearing what they’re truly saying. To listen with curiosity: • Give your full attention. Put away distractions like your phone or other tasks, and be present. • Avoid interrupting. Let them share their thoughts without jumping in with advice or opinions. • Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to share more, such as, “How did that make you feel?” or “What was that experience like for you?” Listening with curiosity means that you’re not just hearing their words; you’re genuinely interested in understanding their perspective.
2. Move Out of Your Own Way When someone is sharing something that challenges our beliefs or viewpoints, it can be easy to go into defense mode. True empathy, however, requires us to set aside our own perspective temporarily to fully be there for the other person. To move out of your own way: • Pause any internal dialogue that might be forming counter-arguments or judgments. • Avoid the impulse to defend your perspective or explain your own viewpoint. • Remind yourself that this moment is about understanding them, not about being understood. Moving out of your own way allows you to create space for the other person’s experience, even if it’s vastly different from your own.
3. Imagine Being in Their Shoes Now, take a moment to step into their shoes. Picture what it would be like to experience what they’re describing. Imagine how you would feel in their situation and try to guess what emotions might be arising for them. It can be helpful to think about their unique history, personality, and any challenges they may have faced. All of these factors shape how they feel and respond to the world. If you’re struggling to imagine what they might be feeling, consider asking: • “Can you help me understand what that experience felt like for you?” • “I imagine that might feel [insert emotion], but is that accurate?” Being open to checking in about what they’re feeling helps you avoid assuming or projecting your own emotions onto them.
4. Check and Validate Their Feelings Once you think you’ve identified what they might be feeling, it’s important to check with them to see if you’re on the right track. This simple step of validation shows them that you’re not only listening but genuinely trying to understand. You might say something like: • “It sounds like you’re feeling [insert emotion]. Is that right?” • “I’m getting the sense that this situation feels [insert emotion] for you. Did I get that correct?” This helps build a foundation of trust and connection, showing that you respect their experience.
5. Feel the Feeling in Your Body Once you both agree on the feeling, try to allow yourself to feel it. This may sound challenging, but by tapping into the physical sensations that come with that emotion, you create a stronger sense of connection. Try to embody what it might feel like to carry that same emotion within yourself. To do this: • Close your eyes and breathe, focusing on the emotion you’ve identified. • Notice any sensations in your body — tension, warmth, heaviness, or lightness. • Let the feeling linger for a moment. Don’t rush to shake it off; stay present with it. By allowing yourself to experience the feeling, even briefly, you’re deepening your understanding of what they’re going through. This often leads to a greater sense of compassion and connectedness. 6. Share Your Empathy Finally, communicate what you felt to your partner. Let them know that you’ve taken the time to understand and share their experience, even if it’s just in this small way. Expressing what you’re feeling can lead to a powerful moment of connection, where both of you feel seen and understood. Try saying something like: • “Thank you for sharing this with me. I really felt [emotion] as you were describing it, and I appreciate getting to understand your experience.” • “I’m here with you in this, and I feel a sense of [emotion] too.” This final step is often where true empathy is felt most strongly. When we let others know that we not only hear them but also share a part of their experience, it can create a deep bond of trust and openness.
Empathy isn’t always easy, especially when emotions are high or our own beliefs are challenged. But by approaching others with curiosity, setting aside our own perspective, and making an intentional effort to feel what they feel, we open the door to connection and understanding. Practicing empathy is a skill that takes time and patience, but the rewards — deeper relationships, better communication, and a more compassionate world — are well worth the effort.
